Last week of summer

Sadly, my summer break is almost over. Normally, I feel a tinge of excitement for the beginning of school, but for some reason, all I feel is sad that the summer went so quickly. I am simply not ready to send my own children back to school. I am not ready to start taking care of other people's children again. I have enjoyed this summer so much. We played and laughed. We went swimming. We rode our bikes. We toured historic and fun places all over Colorado. We visited great friends and had great friends come and visit. We saw family. We went on a fabulous vacation over seas and learned so much as a family. We even planned more vacations for this year.

We missed more church than we have in a long time. I think we missed four Sundays in our ward during the last 12 weeks, but with each Sunday missed we felt more grateful for the Gospel in our lives. We talked about what a blessing it is that the Gospel remains the same regardless of where we are in the world. We even ran into missionaries on our trip overseas. I cannot even begin to explain how happy it made me to see the familiar white shirts and black name tags. There was comfort in seeing the Gospel at work around the world.

But now, I have one more week until I go back to work. My children have three more days after I start. Wish us luck. We are not ready for summer to be over.

Mr. Right or Mr. Good Enough

I have read several blogs about this topic, and I have been reluctant to address it. However, I had an interesting conversation with the mother of one of my students and it made me think.

M just graduated from high school, and, while attending her graduation party, M's mother asked about my husband. M told her that I have the best husband who spoils me with purses, shoes, clothes, etc. (This is true, I generally am not a fan of shopping and my wonderful husband has great taste.) M also told her that I am "giddily in love" with my husband. Also true. Actually, this is more true than the fact that I am spoiled. My husband and I have been together since we were 17. I fall more in love with him every single day. The mother then told me that my relationship is one that M uses as a measure of what she wants in a boyfriend/husband. She said that M could always tell that my husband respects me, loves me, and would never ever hurt me in any way. I was both flattered and humbled by this. I had no idea that my love of my husband and his love for me was something she noticed.

I told the mother this, "My husband treats me like a queen, not a princess. There is a difference, and women need to know the difference."

It is in the connotation of each word that holds the difference. A princess gets anything she wants. She may be loved, but she has not earned full respect. She is seen as someone who needs guidance and direction. She is seen too often as helpless and in need of rescue.

But a queen is not helpless. She has earned respect. Not only does a queen have the love of her king, she also has his devotion, his loyalty, and his respect. I love the story of the 300 Spartans.  The women of Sparta were unlike other women of the time period. They were respected and empowered by their husbands. Not only did the men fight for their kingdom; they fought for the honor of their wives.

This is what is means to have Mr. Right. To be respected. To be loved unconditionally. To be loved passionately. To be honored and cherished. To be worthy of the best and receive the best.

But that is not enough...there are plenty of Mr. Good Enough's that will offer all of these things, but the reverse is also true. For a woman to have Mr. Right means that she loves unconditionally. She loves passionately. She honors and cherishes her husband. I know too many women whose husbands worship the ground they walk on but who are also not truly happy in their marriage. It is simply not enough to be loved, a queen must love her king the way he loves her.

Why would a queen accept anything less than everything she deserves? To love and to be loved with an eternity waiting.

Feeding the missionaries

I love feeding the missionaries. It makes me happy. For years I have told every set of missionaries who serve in my ward to call me if they ever need food. While we have them over for dinner as often as we can, I tell them at dinner that they can call me on a moment’s notice and I will feed them. In over 10 years since, no one has ever taken me up on my offer.

Until tonight.

At 4:19pm my phone rang. I didn’t recognize the number, but I answered it anyway. It was Elder B. He asked me how I was doing and gently asked if I remembered my offer that to feed them if they needed it I told him I remembered. He said, “Well, I hate to ask, but the family who was supposed to have us for dinner just cancelled.” He started to continue, but the mother in me interrupted and asked, “Can I make you dinner?” He was so sweet and sincere in his reply. I told them that it was not a problem at all, except that my husband would not be home for dinner. I asked if I could make them dinner and bring it to them. Again, he was so sweet and sincere in his reply. He did not want to bother me. I assured him that it was not a bother (as I still had to make dinner for me and my own boys) and that I wanted to do this. I was so grateful and happy that they took me up on my offer. I told them that I would have dinner to them around 6pm.

I made them dinner and dessert (because I like to eat something sweet after dinner). As I approached the house with the food, I paused a moment and through the window saw that Elder B was sitting at a counter reading. He looked content, yet sad. Does that make sense?

Knowing that they were hungry and waiting, I rang the doorbell. As he looked up, I could see the genuine gratitude in his face. It warmed my heart. He answered the door, and I brought the food to the kitchen. The other Elder expressed his gratitude as well. They were so sincere in their appreciation. I assured them that it was my pleasure to feed them.

Still, I could not help but notice that there was something so lonely about them tonight. Maybe it was because tomorrow is Father’s Day. Maybe it was the quiet of the house. Maybe it was me.

Maybe it was that I was imagining my own sons on their missions. And maybe it was the pending loneliness that I was feeling thinking of these future events. Whatever it was, I walked away from the missionaries home with an extreme sense of gratitude for the work that these young men. They do not need to be grateful for my bringing them food. It is I who am grateful for the opportunity to serve them. They serve selflessly. They serve honorably. As a mother of sons, this continually increases my faith. My only hope and prayer in feeding the missionaries is that in 9 years and 11 years, when my own sons are serving missions, they always be fed by someone who appreciates them. That they will always be fed by someone who wants to feed them, who wants to serve them.

Love

I fell in love with my husband when we were seventeen years old. He literally tackled me, and even though he and I had been close friends for almost a year, it wasn't until he tackled me that I really noticed him. A few days later he tackled me again, but this time he ended the tackle with a first kiss. I knew that kiss was going to be my last first kiss.

And now, here we are, almost two decades later. Two children, two houses, two dogs. I am his queen, not his princess. There is a difference; although, I do not think most people realize the difference. Queens are loved. Queens are respected. Kings fight for their queens.

Years ago when the movie "300" came out, my husband saw it. (Gasp...I know! It is rated R.) He came home and told me that I should watch it. I was in my adamant "I will not see a rated R movie" stage. I said, "Yeah, I don't think so." He told me again, but this time he told me that there was a deeper meaning to the movie that I would appreciate. (Seriously, he knows me so well. All he had to do was invoke the English teacher buzz words to entice my curiosity.) It took a few weeks, but eventually I relented and saw the movie.

My husband was right. I loved the movie. It was beautiful. There were ugly parts, but the ugliness made the beauty more profound. There was a point in the movie where King Leonidas talks about his Queen. He talks about her strength and passion as a woman. He talks about how much he admires and respects her. He honors her.
As a King, he is not only devoted to his country, but he is devoted to his Queen. In defending his country, he defends her honor. In fighting against tyranny, he fights for her freedom. In his dying words, he tells that the bond between him and his queen needs no words to be spoken.

I know this is a movie, but what a profound statement of love and marriage it was to me. And to hear my wonderful husband talk about the meaning of this movie, made me love him even more. I am his queen. I have no doubt. Words need not be spoken for me to know that even after almost two decades, he loves me more now than ever before, and my love for him is stronger than I ever imagined possible.

I awoke early this morning to put flowers and yellow ribbons on our friend's doorstep. Today marks two years since our friend's daughter, S, passed away. S was 12 years old. My family wanted to let them know that we will always remember.

As I was driving to their home, I asked Heavenly Father to please not let me be the only one who thought of this wonderful family today. As I approached her house, I learned that my prayer was not needed. Her daughter's wonderful friends had already decorated the house with love for this amazing family. There were balloons, expressions of love, a collage, and even a small glass angel in their front yard. They wrote in sidewalk chalk on the driveway wonderful words of love. I arrived at 5:30 this morning. Those sweet wonderful girls must have gotten up so early to make sure that this family knew how much S was loved and missed.

It was beautiful. Even though these wonderful girls are excited for summer vacation and eagerly awaiting entering high school this fall, they still remember their friend who was taken home so young. They miss her. They love her. They love her family.

"There is a divine purpose in the adversities we encounter every day. They prepare, they purge, they purify, and thus they bless."


I love James E. Faust. I love this quote. It reminds me that patience in necessary in facing our adversities. I am not a patient person, but I am working on it. Actually, I am being made to work on it. While this is not a bad thing, patience in the Lord shows that I have faith in his timetable and not mine. I know that my Heavenly Father knows what he is doing. I know that there is a grand purpose in all things. I know that all things happen for a reason and all things will be for my benefit in the end.
 
And even though I know these things. Even though I have faith that everything happens for a reason, I still struggle to wait. There are things that I want to know now. Not doctrinal things, temporal things, life things. I want to know how certain events and discoveries are going to change my life. This is interesting considering I always talk about how much I hate change. But, the funny thing is, I actually embrace change when it comes to life. My life is ever changing. My children are growing. My son starts middle school in three months, and I am excited for that change. I am excited that he is growing up. Don't get me wrong, I am terrified of middle school. I hate middle school. Sixth grade should be in elementary school and ninth grade should be in a junior high. (Wait...tangent...I will talk about that another time.)
 
The point is, I do not mind change when it involves growth. I do not mind change that enlightens (and sometimes even shatters) my world view. I like change when it is a gradual change. My son did not magically become a middle school student. He started out as a baby and has slowly turned into a fiercely independent 10 year old.
 
Back to being patient. I am actually waiting for something to change my life. I am waiting because someone else is is control of this. I must wait for someone else to decide that she is ready for a change in her life. And when she does decide she is ready, my family and I will be here. We will be ready for whatever change in brings.
 
Until then, this test of patience is an adversity, albeit a small one. I have no control on what is going to happen. I cannot change the timeline. All things happen in the Lord's timeline. I cannot say that I am being patient, but I am trying to be.
 
I am preparing and purging and hoping to be purified and blessed.

Teaching

I love teaching. It is a second home for me. I love my students. I have to make a big decision that will affect my students. I have to choose several for leadership positions. This has been a difficult decision for me; one that I have weighed and considered all of my options. A decision that I have prayed that I will make the right one.

The thing is, there are students who are going to be disappointed because they will not received their specific coveted leadership position. I will talk to each on individually and explain the reasons why, but, in the end, I am sure that I will lose some students over this decision.
I have some kids who are ecstatic, truly ecstatic over their new position. They are nervous. They are afraid to let me down. They are worried they do not know enough. I know each of them will be great. They will learn. They will rise to the occasion. They will shine.

They are all good kids. They all deserve a shot at leadership, but some deserve this chance more than others. It is interesting because I firmly believe that not getting what one wants is just as valuable as getting what one wants. I do not think the generation I teach understands that. There is a sense of entitlement. A sense of "If I don't get what I want, then it is your fault."

I even had one student express to me his disappointment and anger over not getting his coveted spot. He told me that he will take the position, but he is not at all happy about it. I asked him, "If you are not going to be excited about this opportunity, then why take it?" I also explained that I have several others who would be ecstatic if I gave them this position. I chose this student because he has worked hard. He did not get exactly what he wanted simply because he does not have the skill set for those positions. I explained that the opportunity in front of him is a stepping stone and that if he was going to take it reluctantly and begrudgingly, I would rather him turn it down.

He kept the position, and I am hoping that he will step up and be the leader I know he can be. However, I cannot deny that I have my doubts.